~Laurel began a journey to get healthy, both spiritually as well physically.
I already mentioned doing a post on Overcoming Personal Struggles.
I've decided to step up to the Challenge as it will relate to what I was already going to share.
I've also decided that this journey will be my Monday post. We will see how it goes. =)
(the very simple quick version)
I was tiny, petite, little while growing up. I had my fair share of challenging situations in my childhood.
I was an average teen- average grades, average size, average attitude.
So, when did my eating disorder begin? It muddles somewhere around 9. This is when I began food type rituals (food can't touch, etc), and began to opt not to eat. It was not noticed. Let's just say that "peas" don't flush well down the toilet. =)
By 14, I began to diet. This would be the 500 calorie diet...only to follow with a binge of LOTS of popcorn with an disturbing amount of butter (really, like picture using a spoon to eat your popcorn).
By 16, I discovered diet pills, then speed. Thankfully, over a few years time, that was let go. Whether over-the-counter or narcotics, it just plain made me agitated and jittering and ultimately feeling out of control.
By 18, after over eating at a fabulous Mexican restaurant, my dear cousin whom was with me, suggested we try to 'throw it up'. She couldn't, and I, well I found my escape.
By 22, I began to realize my behavior was obsessive. (between 18-22 I had gained about 30 extra pounds). I had my first son now, and the weight began to fall off because I had ate very balanced and healthy during the pregnancy. Well, "go me", so I thought. Exercise became compulsive, I didn't "feel well" all the time, if I ate too much one day, I would starve the next day, etc... Then all in one week I saw a TV show, read an article, and went to an OA (overeaters anonymous) to support a friend... and realized all these quirky behaviors were Bulimia related tendencies.
Oddly, most folks believe Bulimia is a diet issue, but in all reality it is an emotional issue. Oh the face of bulimia starts out as a diet savior. Just another avenue to lose weight, and you finally feel in control of something in your life. Soon it becomes a vice to cope with life. To "stuff" feeling that you were never allowed to share... only to later "release" the pressures of life. Yes, that is what binging and purging is about.
I won't go into my drawn out adult life, but Bulimia was a recurring issue in my life for many years- minus the two years per child of pregnancy/nursing which was probably a God send.
You see, my definition of bulimia is the slow, silent, suicide. You begin to die from the inside out, both spiritually as well as physically. Emotionally, you are so deep in a dark, miry pit, much like a murky well; the way up and out seems absolutely impossible...This was me at age 37. And no one knew. Not friends, not family. And I was dying indeed. I could feel my insides shutting down, I began to hemmorage (the Dr. put me on "the pill"), the acid lining in my stomach was barely existent, etc.... My biggest trouble was defining Bulimia as a sin rather than a disease. In this search for Truth, I came across a Christian website that explained eating disorders as sinful. That would mean I have a choice. That there is hope. That it is possible to stop. I chose Life. I quit purging, period. The binging took a bit longer to let go of. Now, that doesn't mean it isn't difficult. I still emotionally overeat (not binge, there is a difference). I still have situational triggers. I still have rare moments of glancing at that toilet; ya know, one time won't hurt; but I see the Enemy begin to grin at my very thought. In actuality, Satan can't hear our thoughts, but he is king of temptation. Yet my God is merciful... hope, peace, & sanity can be restored.
I now mentor others whom are willing to ask for help.
One gal came to me as a young teen; may she never endure the years of suffering that I did.
Another gal is a young mom; I understand, and she is not alone.
There is light on the otherside, & it is a beautiful thing!
So, with that all said =)
I am now at a place where I can begin to focus on taking better care of myself. I cannot diet (obviously), but my body thrives on nutrition. Go figure?
I have been "round" for a chunk of years now. I am around 50 lbs overweight. My dear husband has been working out of town A LOT, and I tend to take less care of myself as to take more care of the children. It does not have to be that way, I just tend to cope that way.
So, next week I will share my "healthy plan" ,
which will include fitness, nutrition, and spiritual food!